So Long, 2012!

So 2012 wasn't the worst of years but on a scale of SUCK to AWESOME, it ranks somewhere in the MEH range.  Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of things I did differently that I loved; I expanded my wings and tried to fly.

I made a ton more friends, started playing roller derby, and drove my car between Toronto and Cleveland.  I also continued working on my doctorate and received a fellowship, which is pretty bad ass.

Balance.

I had some medical issues (still healing) and thanks to the US Government Loan business, lost a chunk of cash each semester that would have allowed me to buy a home.  I was also thrown away by someone I called a friend (awful feeling).

Balance.

My daughter graduated from high school and started a college program. ❤

Balance.

Stuck in the mundane. Still need space.  Didn't work on my writing.

Balance.

I will get there. 2013 is going to be wonderful.  I can feel it in my bones!!

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a realization: marriage

A little something that I realized today….

I have never been one for marriage.  It seems to be great for everyone else but me.  Don't get me wrong – relationships do not scare me – as a matter of fact, it would be terrific to have someone to count on, love, share things with, and care about but the "M" word leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.  Up until this morning, as I began reading Virginia Woolf's  first novel, The Voyage Out, did I realize why.

I dislike the whole idea of marriage because I fear it will require me to not only surrender my independence but also  surrender myself.  

Silly? Perhaps but it is me and how I feel and that makes it incredibly beautiful.  One year ago, I wouldn't have been able to embrace this aspect about me, let alone even realize it but now I do understand and accept it with open arms. It is an aspect of me that, through a year of self discovery, I have learned of and knowing will help me move forward.

Do I want love? Yes.

Would a decent boyfriend be nice? Of course!

Do I need another person to give me a new last name to feel this love? Nope.

And there you have it.  

Dew